


Their Cragged Path

by Bats



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-20
Updated: 2001-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:31:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bats/pseuds/Bats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The path to true love is anything but straight as Julian and Garak discover. First times. NC-17.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Their Cragged Path

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Mark.

Their Cragged Path  
DS 9 G/B  
by Bats

 

Julian laid his head down into folded arms, fear gripping him now that the danger had passed. For the first time in a great long while he was forced to examine exactly how he felt. When at one point, the possibility of losing Garak had become a very real possibility, Julian had been so terrified of truly losing his Cardassian friend, that the wash of emotions that he found himself experiencing was so tumultuous that he had to shut that part of his head and heart. It took him to Tain, the monster that had the implant inserted in the first place. He had gotten the answers he needed to save Garak, only because that monster wanted Garak to suffer some more.

It was at that moment that Julian had decided that Garak would not be alone as Tain had hoped. He would become a better friend and…Julian hesitated in his thoughts, and in that minute hesitation, allowed the wash of emotions locked away to flood his being. He had to face that he felt a great deal more than friendship and wanted more than friendship. But, why, oh, why would a worldly, experienced being such as Garak see an inexperienced human as a romantic interest.

Julian sat straight up, poleaxed at his own thoughts, romantic. That was a lot more than simple desire. He hadn’t entertained those thoughts with any of the females that he’s been with in a very long time. How did that happen? Julian thought on Garak, a Cardassian, a tailor, a spy. Yes, all that, but actually so much more. Educated, sharp, an extraordinary conversationalist and mixed in with this was a tender side that was rarely exposed. There was also the fear and aloneness that Julian could empathize with, something that tugged at his inner core.

There was also respect, not that he thought Garak actually respected him, but he had treated him with respect from the very beginning. Something the command staff had not. Yes, it was possible at times that he was a tad arrogant, but he had been right. The inspired conversation that challenged his intellect always kept him coming back for more. That was the one place he’d always felt equal with Garak. He knew that he had challenged Garak many a time.

Garak acted like a mentor and Julian despaired that the Cardassian would not see him in a different light. But he had to try, the anguish that Garak had revealed gave him a peek into the lonely world Garak suffered alone. Not anymore, not if he could help it.  
\-------------  
How could he have been so foolish. Oh what he had revealed? Hopefully he had confused him with enough different tales, but he feared that the dear Doctor was bright enough to see through some of the tales.

Garak wasn’t even sure he remembered all of what he said, all he did. He did remember telling Julian he hated him, but the doctor probably wouldn’t have figured that for the lie it was. He had tried to choke Julian, oh not to kill him, just to silence him. His truths were unpalatable at the time he heard them. But it was possible that the doctor didn’t know that either.

He was open, exposed, the worst a Cardassian could be. When he’d acted like a strong Cardassian, he had hurt Julian. He had sneered at the doctor, but in the moment of decision, Julian stayed, where a Cardassian would not. Doctor or not. The foolish man went to Cardassia and braved Tain himself, not realizing the danger he was in. Then and still. Tain must now realize that the Doctor knew more than he should.

Odo had questioned him relentlessly since his recovery. But at the end of the last secession, he had revealed that the Doctor refused the Security Chief any access to the Cardassian during his recovery. Julian had protected him, too. Odo had left with many more questions in his eyes. He hadn’t been able to understand why the human doctor would protect a suspected Cardassian spy. Garak didn’t know either.

He wished he didn’t have to see Julian again, but just the thought ripped his guts out. He didn’t think he was strong enough anymore to resist the lure that Julian was. Garak wasn’t sure that he could handle seeing hate and disdain in those lovely hazel eyes.  
\----------  
Julian pushed the chime of Garak’s quarters. He had not come to the infirmary today and Julian was not going to let a day go by that he did not see the tailor. He pushed the chime again. The door opened.

On the couch, Garak lay with blanket on him. Julian rushed to his side. “Garak, are you ill again?”

“No, Doctor. Just tired. You woke me.” He hadn’t of course, but Garak wanted the Doctor to go.

“I am sorry, Garak. I was so worried when you did not come to the infirmary, I had to check.” He ran the tricorder and only noted the accelerated heartbeat. “How about some juice?” Julian smiled down at the Cardassian.

“I can take care of myself, Doctor.” Garak said harshly.

The man felt insecure, but the doctor had a job to do, the doctor won out and pushed the issue. “Your system was depleted and it will actually be several weeks before you are fit as a Cardassian again. If you come to the infirmary you won’t have to suffer my presence in your quarters.” Julian hope that the last part didn’t sound as needy as it did to his ears. To distract himself, he looked around and saw no evidence of food. “Garak, when did you last eat?”

“I had soup about an hour ago.” He picked up and sipped the juice that Julian had handed to him. He threw is legs to the floor, but kept the blanket on him. He put his Cardassian face on and looked up at the doctor, “I am sorry that I caused you concern. In the future I will come to the infirmary to save you the bother.”

“You aren’t a bother, Garak.” Julian cleared his throat and took his glass to the recycler, afraid his face might share too much. “I’ll leave now, but I will see you tomorrow.” The Doctor didn’t make eye contact, just nodded and left without waiting for Garak’s reply.

The doctor chastised himself all the way to his quarters. He’d practically drooled on the man. Luckily, Garak was tired or he would have asked pressing questions. Jules, my boy….. where the hell is your poker face. Oh, that’s right he didn’t have one. So he had to hide behind the Doctor mask. This he could do.

Oh, but seeing Garak laying there, all the fear of losing him had rushed to the surface and he had just wanted to gather the man in his arms. Doctor. I am Dr. Bashir. That’s how I deal with it. But that didn’t stop the dreams.  
\--------------  
He saw Dr. Bashir. But that is all he saw. Julian had retreated behind his doctor status and nothing else peaked out. Garak had thought that the night that Julian had come to his quarters, he had heard something in his voice, saw something in his eye, but he must have been mistaken. The good doctor was probably hiding his contempt behind the doctor veneer.

The Cardassian hated to admit it, but he missed his friend.

The Doctor looked like he was finished with what he was working on so Garak made his presence known. “Ah, Doctor. I had a customer that took all afternoon and I wanted to save you the trip to my quarters.” Garak thought he caught a hurt expression cross Julian’s face but it was gone so fast even he couldn’t be sure.

Bashir replied without actually looking at the tailor, “I would have called first. I know you don’t want me in your quarters.”

“I just wished to save you the trip.” Garak thought he detected a path.

Julian turned around, an odd expression on his face, “Garak, you made it plain the other night that you didn’t want my presence in your quarters. I will abide as best I can.”

“Doctor, you must have confused something else with my tiredness. I merely wish to save you the extra trouble of having to wait on me.”

Not willing to argue, Julian just nodded his head. “Okay, Garak. Whatever you say.” He picked up his tricorder and checked all of the Cardassian’s vitals. “You seem to be fully recovered. A couple of more days and you’ll be released.”

Something was really bothering Julian. He always argued with him. It must be that he was truly disgusted by what he had learned about him, and the things he’d said. He just nodded his head and left. Julian was lost to him.  
\--------------  
With Garak fully recovered, Julian had no excuse to see Garak everyday. Sometimes he would stand on the fringes of Quarks and watch the Cardassian eat a meal, just to see him. It seemed that the things he’d said during withdrawal were in fact his true feelings. Julian felt like he had a big hole in his heart. He turned and walked back to the infirmary.  
\----------------  
Jadzia Dax was tired of seeing Dr. Bashir. She wanted to see Julian again. She traced it back to Garak. She knew that the tailor had been sick, and Julian had been very concerned that he would die. Since then, Julian wasn’t around, just the doctor. She figured she’d have to talk to Garak.

Did she think she was meddling? No. Just helping out a friend. She sat across from the tailor.

“Lieutenant, what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

“Nothing really, just wanted to sit and have lunch with you.” Dax answered.

Garak sighed, “Lieutenant, we both know that you wish to speak about the good doctor.”

Jadzia shook her head, the Cardassian was too observant by far. “What’s wrong with him?”

“What exactly do you mean?” Garak asked.

“Garak, if you knew I wanted to talk about Julian, then you must know why.” She was almost frustrated.

Garak shook his head, “I don’t know. I thought it was just me.”

Dax sat back in her seat, thoughtful, putting things together. “No. We all only see the Dr. Bashir. Julian seems to be gone…….Why are you two not having your customary lunches?”

The Cardassian squirmed on the inside, but outwardly showed nothing. “After my illness, the Doctor hasn’t resumed them.”

Dax paused, sighing inward at what had become so obvious. She laughed mentally at herself, well maybe having 12 different lifetimes to draw on does help. To Garak she said, “Was it not you that initiated the lunches between the two of you?”

The Cardassian nodded.

“Then, maybe it’s that he thinks you don’t want to lunch with him?” She posed gently.

The Cardassian tailor sat silent for several moments. “What does lunch have to do with the Doctor’s behavior?”

“He thinks you’re his friend.”

“Cardassians do not have friends.”

“Except Julian. He is your friend.” Jadzia smiled as she left the table, leaving the tailor to his thoughts.  
\------------  
Garak watched as the Doctor looked for an empty table. Miles spoke to him but Julian shook his head no and continued searching. After finding a table on the fringes, he sat with his tray and ate without conversation. The Cardassian steeled himself for being rebuffed and moved ahead.

“Is this seat taken?” Garak asked.

Julian looked up at the voice and half closed his eyes. “No, it isn’t.”

“May I?”

Julian put out his hand, “Please.”

“I believe that Quark has eliminated some of the Cardassian selections.” Garak started out with a familiar complaint.

“Quark doesn’t think enough people eat Cardassian food.” The Doctor rejoined with the expected answer.

“Obviously he doesn’t have good taste.” The Cardassian hated himself for enjoying the warm feeling that stole through him at Julian’s voice.

“When has Quark ever had good taste.” Julian smiled.  
\-------------  
What resumed as once a week, built up to several days then to almost everyday. Julian would rush to Quarks or the replimat, lunch was the highlight of the day. They went back to literature and music and Julian lived for the argument. Garak’s eyes would sparkle like days of old and Julian could almost believe that Garak enjoyed himself.

Always lurking just below the surface were the feelings that Garak wasn’t there for pleasure, but some other Cardassian reason. But Julian would convince himself that he didn’t care. Just being with Garak would have to be enough.

Julian sat at Miles’ table as he could see that the engineer was done with his lunch and he never lingered after a meal.

Miles noticed Julian looking around. For the Cardassian no doubt. He stood up and couldn’t resist a parting shot, “Julian, don’t you take your doctoring duties a bit far. You don’t have to spend all that time with the Kardi to make sure he’s okay.”

As Miles move away, just behind stood Garak and he obviously had heard Miles’ comment. He looked at the doctor coldly and hissed, “I don’t need your pity, Doctor.” He put his tray down on the closest table and walked away.

Julian got up immediately and couldn’t see Garak anywhere. He went to the shop. Garak was already there behind his counter.

Garak turned and reacted from his pain, “I’m a Cardassian, I don’t need a Federation doctor thinking that he can save me. You feel sorry for the older man. Think he is past his chance in life. I don’t need an innocent child to pity me.”

Julian blocked off all the words except the word pity. He stomped up to the Cardassian, beautiful even in anger. “Pity,” he yelled. “Pity…….does this feel like pity?” He grabbed Garak’s hand and pressed it to his crotch. He pressed it into the obvious erection there. Then he dropped the Cardassian hand and moved quickly away, adding, “Excuse me. I just didn’t want you thinking that pity had anything to do with the time I spent with you.”

The Cardassian, unable to believe that any positive emotion motivated that erection, called after him, “You want to experiment with a Cardassian? Why not the one you saved from near death. He should be beholding to you and you could have your fill of curiosity.”

Julian looked at Garak, the soul gripping pain evident in his eyes.  
\-----------  
Garak had closed the shop and made it back to the refuge of his quarters. After he had secured the privacy lock he fell to his knees as sobs racked his body.

At the look in Julian’s eyes Garak knew he had made a mistake. Never had he seen such agony. All the interrogations hadn’t delivered a look such as Julian’s. Even as he watched Bajorans die, he had never seen that look. He might as well driven the dagger through the doctor’s heart, then his own.  
\---------------  
Julian made it back to his quarters. Numb, he just felt numb. He was afraid to let himself think, afraid that his heart would be destroyed. He had so wanted the words that Garak had said in withdrawal to be the lies, but they weren’t. Now there was nothing.

He got a bottle of Kanar from the replicator and sat on the floor. He wanted to get drunk and figured he’s start where he’d end up. He threw back three glasses before the emotions hit, then the glass slide from his hand and shattered as it hit the floor. Much like how his heart shattered. He was a young, stupid fool that just had his heart broken. Why’d he ever think the Cardassian would care for him or even really want him as a friend. A weak Federation human.

Garak had nearly died when the wire had stopped working and Julian had found it hard to cope with that, what was he to do now. He crawled to the corner by the couch and said aloud, “Lights off.”

His thoughts didn’t go away with the darkness, it just felt like it was where he belonged, in the dark, alone. And he was alone. He might be human, he might be Starfleet, but he was alone. Garak had bridged that loneliness, befriended him, made him look forward to their meals. Now it would be worse. All he would know was the loneliness.

But it was as he sat vigil over him, that his mind had faced the deeper feelings….now nothing, not even friends. How could he think I wanted to sleep with any Cardassian? Julian’s thoughts jumped around, rambled. Empty. Raw. Alone. The tears fell.

Ring! Ring! The door chime sounded. Julian heard it as he woke and realized he must have dozed off. “Time?”

“One forty.”

Julian heard his door lock begin an override, “Computer, block override.” He heard the block and another override. He walked to the door in the dark and stepped on the shards of glass. In pain he growled out, “Block again.”

“Unable to comply.” The computer announced as the door opened. Garak stood at the door.

Julian turned defeated, “Go away.” He walked in the glass again as he returned to his corner.

Garak ignored him and entered. As he heard his own feet crunch he called out, “Lights.”

“Belay that, no lights.” His voice vacant. “Go away, Garak.”

“I need some light Doctor. There is something broken on the floor.” It was the lunch voice that spoke.

Weary, beaten, crushed, Julian said softly, “Go away, Garak.”

Garak’s heart twisted at the defeated tone. “I need to speak with you.”

The dejected tone made the words that much harder for Garak to hear. “Go away, you’ve said enough hurtful things. Enough for six months, come back then.”

The voice was so final sounding. Julian had pulled himself far away, and the Cardassian felt the last vestiges of hope drain away. He had lost him. Garak turned to leave, at the door, he turned back one last time and using the light of the corridor he searched the room for the human. He located a huddled, dejected form in a corner.

The pridefull Cardassian knew at that moment, that if he left he would destroy something he actually wanted very much. He couldn’t leave without talking to Julian. He stepped further in and the door closed. He could he the quiet sobs coming from the corner. He moved to where the doctor was and sat across from him.

He heard the intake of breath as Julian realized that he was not alone. Garak talked into the darkness. “When I was a young man, I was assigned to fetch a Gul’s daughter from a tiny village. The villagers took one look and disliked me. Never asked why I was there, just threw rocks and other objects at me. My father has never acknowledged me, and as a member of the Obsidian Order, I was feared and hated. I am not tolerated by my own people. I am not tolerated by alien people. How could I believe that another could actually care without some other motive.”

Garak knew that Julian listened as he had controlled his breathing. “Is any of that true?” A sad voice asked?

“Yes, it’s all true, but I’ll deny it.” His hand contacted some sticky stuff that smelt like blood. With an urgency in his voice, “Lights, fifteen percent.”

Garak saw the blood on Julian’s feet and picked the doctor up despite his protests and took him into the bathroom. He washed the cut feet and dried them with a towel. Julian remained listless throughout. He carried him to his bedroom and laid him on the bed. Garak sat on the floor by the bed, even as it made him uncomfortable. Julian rolled on his side, away from Garak.

Garak was afraid, truth seemed his last option. “Today, what Chief O’Brien said hurt me. But I’m a Cardassian so I get angry. Then I thought you mocked my feelings for you and I lost my temper. Julian please talk to me.” Pleading as no Cardassian would. His torment plain in his voice.

Julian didn’t move, but did speak, “You thought I mocked your feelings? What feelings?”

Garak squirmed and as if connected, Julian rolled to face the Cardassian. He started on this path of truth, “My feelings for you.”

“The smug, sanctimonious face that you hate.” The hurt naked in his voice.

“Out of all I said, why pick the lies to believe. I was raw and exposed. You see too much as it is, I had to push you away.”

“Those lies were easy to believe.” The voice said plainly.

“Always. The truth is usually unpalatable.” Garak said sadly.

“So what is the truth?”

“I don’t hate you. I do like lunch with you.” Garak said truthfully, but it was just a safety net.

“Okay, fine you don’t hate me.” Julian rolled away again.

Fear gripped Garak and he laid it on the line. Cardassian style. “An older man took a liking to a younger man and if found out, people would talk. The younger man had an important job and scandal could ruin him, so the older man did nothing. Then the younger man helped the older man and started spending more time with him and the older man doubted the motives. Why would he choose to waist time on an old nothing. Then he heard a coworker confirm his worst fears. The older man had no reason not to believe the hurtful words. None.”

“You are not an old nothing.” Julian said as he rolled back again.

Garak started to deny that the story was about him, then stopped, more truth instead. “The older man did a most terrible thing.”

“What?” was whispered.

“He fell in love with the younger man even though he knew it was hopeless. That it couldn’t be returned. And he would gladly settle for friendship, but he ruined that chance too.”

“What if he didn’t?” Julian asked, some life in his voice.

“Didn’t what?” Garak asked, holding his breath.

“Didn’t ruin his chances.”

“He would be very grateful.” Oh, his heart started beating again, he could still see Julian each day.

“What if it wasn’t hopeless?” Julian asked.

“He’d cherish the friendship.” He figured Julian wanted clarification.

Julian sat up and moved so he was facing Garak, “It isn’t hopeless, Garak.”

Garak’s heart stopped and then continued in triple time as the word order came back to him. He sucked in his breath, could he mean that? "Julian, I love you more that a Cardassian loves his homeworld.”

Life rushed back into Julian, “Oh, Garak, I love you, too.” Neither could say who leaned into the other first, but they were in each other’s arms. Lips sought and claimed the other’s in a soul searching kiss.

The need for air had Julian breaking the contact and he looked into the bright blue eyes. He saw doubt, then it was quickly masked. Julian sighed and laid his head on the Cardassian shoulder.

“Why is it so hard to believe I love you?” Julian asked simply.

The voice told the stark truth, “Nobody has before.”

“I do.” Not said with intense passion, not said as a plea. Just a straight forward response. “I do Garak. I know some of your horror, I know a few truths, I know a lot of lies. You’ve done things I don’t want to know about, and all that doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t take away the man you are now. It made who you are now and few actually see it. But I do, you are gentle and caring and I love you.”

Garak slumped forward as the tension drained away and he leaned into the soft human body. The human wrapped his arms around the Cardassian and pressed him close. He wanted to believe so very much, he put his arms around Julian’s waist and hugged him back.

Garak loved the smell of Julian, the musky, earthy scent made his blood hum and he kissed the ridgeless neck, the smooth jaw and captured the soft lips. Julian returned the kiss measure for measure. When Garak broke the kiss, he found them lying side by side on the bed. He looked into Julian’s face and murmured, “Beautiful.” Julian stiffened in his embrace. He rolled on top of him and looked down into closed eyes, “Doctor?”

Beautiful, he’d heard that before. He’d felt like a prize on many an arm, including his parents. In his clinical voice, “My beauty will fade. What happens when you tire of me?”

Hazel eyes opened and held the same fear he’d had, now he looked down into eyes that had convinced him of their love, now he had to do the same. “Your physical beauty is all and more that one could dream for. I look forward to exploring it. But it’s your mental beauty that’s bewitching. Not even on Cardassia had I met any that could challenge me as you have. There’s no predicting, always surprises. There is nothing to tire of.” Garak watched as the fear left the expressive eyes and in its place was only love. “You love an old man.”

“You are not an old man.” The doctor’s voice stated.

“I’m fifty in your human years, Julian ,you’re thirty.”

“You’re intriguing and sexy, you’re multi layered and smart, I’m never bored,” he looked up into blue eyes that wanted to believe. He emptied his soul into his eyes and transferred it all to Garak. “I love you, don’t doubt that, Elim.”

His breath stilled, his name on those lips, he closed his eyes. He opened them and still the hazel were there, sharing his life in a stare. “In your eyes I see I can’t.” He leaned and pressed a gentle kiss on lips that spoke of love.

The kiss did not remain gentle as their long denied desire took over. They kissed and nibbled, explored the scales and hair, ridges and smoothness. Delighting in their differences, learning how to pleasure the other, loving each other’s uninhibited responses.

Julian growled and flipped the Cardassian over and hastily undid the hidden clasps to his tunic. He moved his hands all over the gray chest, loving the textures beneath his fingers. He dragged his tongue down the path his fingers took, all stopping as they encountered the dark nipples. Fingers on one, tongue on the other, the Cardassian body quivered and trembled. He sucked and flicked and the now erect nubs, blossomed and grew twice there size. Julian blew softly, eliciting deep growls and a quaking body beneath his. He grabbed hold of the neck ridges as his tongue traveled downward.

Julian wanted to take his time, to learn every scale, but the scent of the Cardassian’s arousal was so intoxicating that he rubbed his face in it. The sensual human gesture was something that Garak had never experienced before and was nearly his undoing.

“Julian.” The deep, throaty sound was hardly recognizable as Garak’s.

The human looked up and grinned at the Cardassian just before he plunged his mouth on the engorged shaft. It felt as though he was being devoured and Garak loved it. He writhed from side to side in profound delight. It wasn’t the hard pounding of a Cardassian coupling, but it was just as passionate and amid all the exquisite sensations, he felt loved. He bucked as Julian sucked forcefully and set an intense rhythm and Garak lost all his control and virtually exploded into the moist human mouth. When he thought the spasms were through, the human squeezed his testicles and began a second wave of ejaculations. He shouted Julian’s name as the last seed burst out and he collapsed. He captured the human enchanter in his arms and held him close.

Softly, so softly that Julian had to strain to hear, Garak whispered, “Never have I felt like that. Never have I yelled a lover’s name.”

Knowing how unCardassian that was, Julian treasured the revelation from his lover. “This is just the beginning, my lover, my love.”

Garak held him closer, feeling Julian’s rock hard erection against his thigh. He sucked and nipped an earlobe. “Your turn now.” The growl promised heights.

“Oh, yes,” he purred as he locked onto eyes that loved him.

 

fini


End file.
